Trapped


Trapped by David Macfie

“Trapped. . . . I’m trapped. . . . I’m trapped. I can’t believe this, I’m trapped. Won’t someone help me? Please, help me!”………

“No, I suppose not. No one ever has. Up until now, I mean. Even before, I always felt trapped. Trapped in my own body. I never felt I belonged in this body. It doesn’t fit my soul at all. So, I suppose, I’ve always been trapped. And no one helped – not even a little. So it’s stupid to expect help now. I have to solve this on my own.” …………

“I just want to be free. Is that too much to ask? I just want to be able to be me. Is that really too much to ask? But, how can I be free, or be me, when I’m trapped in my own body?”

“It stands to reason, doesn’t it? Freedom is the absence of entrapment and me-dom is the presence of choice. So freedom and being me are impossible as long as I’m trapped.”

“And it’s gotten worse, much worse. Before I could, at least, move about, eat and enjoy the sunshine. Now even these simple pleasures have been taken away.”

“Now it’s like I’m in a straitjacket. I can’t move, I can’t eat and I can’t even see the sunshine, far less enjoy it.”

Now I’m not just trapped in an ugly, unsuitable, unwelcome, uncomfortable and wholly-not-me body.”

“I have graduated, from that, to the even worse state of being imprisoned as well as being trapped. Imprisoned in the worst sort of way, as well. Imprisoned in an immobile state with absolutely no contact with any other living thing. Why is this happening to me?”

“I think I’ll go mad, if I don’t die first. What can I do? I’ve got to get out of here!” ………..

“This is no good. No good, at all. I have to pull myself together or I really will die in here. And I really will be mad in no time. I need a plan, an escape plan. Yes, that’s a good idea, I need an escape plan.”

“Alright, so what’s next? Hmmmmm! I guess, I should explore this prison to see where the weaknesses are. OK, here goes. . . . . . . . . I’m not winning. This straightjacket feels more like a hard shell. Where am I? What is this thing? What’s happening to me?” ………….

“Calm down! Getting worked up definitely will not help! Think! I have to think.” ………….

“I can’t think! I feel funny – not funny ha, ha! But funny, very strange. Concentrate, just concentrate. . . . I can’t, it’s so hard to concentrate with this funny feeling. It’s like my body doesn’t belong to me anymore, like my mind is floating in space with no physical being at all.”

“Think, for goodness sake, think. I’ve got to have an escape plan. I have to break out of this prison…………. Oh, no! That funny, strange feeling is getting worse……… I can’t stand it. I just can’t stand it!” …………

“Don’t panic, don’t panic. Get a hold of yourself……….. That’s better. Now the escape plan, think about the escape plan. OK! OK! Take it one step at a time. What’s the first thing I must do? …….. Yes, right! The first thing is to get out of this prison. Then I have to figure out where I am. Then I must get as far from here as possible, as fast as possible before I get trapped again. Not bad! That’s not bad at all!”

“Now I’m cooking! That’s a plan. So how can I get out of this prison? I’ve already checked it out and I didn’t find any weaknesses so where does that leave me? Yes, dummy, it leaves me thinking I didn’t check it enough. Remember – if at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try and try again.” …………

“OK, some progress but this is hard work, very hard work. It’s very difficult to check when I can’t move, but, I think this shell is softer at my back than at my front. It just feels sort of squishy when I push against it, but this is such hard work. I’m so tired and that funny, strange feeling is getting worse and worse.” ………..

“I’m so tired. And sick of this feeling that just gets stranger and stranger. I’m still pushing but I feel limp. I have no strength. I’m so tired…….so tired. My mind is going soggy and I can’t raise any energy. I feel soooooo tired.”

* * * * *

“Where am I? Oh, yes, I remember, I’m in my prison. I must have fallen asleep. Now I’m awake again so I must get back to my escape plan……… Hang on a minute – I feel different – stronger, more energetic. And my body doesn’t feel the same. And the strange feeling has gone. How odd! But I mustn’t get sidetracked. I must escape. OK, I’d gotten as far as testing the back of my prison, where I felt, or perhaps sensed, a weakness. So, here goes with more pushing against the back.”

“Push, push, push harder! Wait, wait a minute. I think I felt something give. Puuuusssh! Yes I definitely feel like I’m getting somewhere. Puuuusssh! Is that light I see or just my imagination? Puuuusssh! Yes, definitely light. Keep going, just keep going! Puuuusssh! I’m winning, I’m really winning. The split is getting bigger. Puuuusssh! At last my head is out and the light is sunshine. Oh, thank goodness. I’m escaping. I’m really escaping. Puuuusssh! This is wonderful. My chest is now in the light, but I’m getting tired. I’ve never had to work so hard before. Once more, just once more. Puuuusssh!”

“I’m out. I can’t believe it, I’m out. But tired, so tired. My body is limp and I feel slumped. I must rest just a little in this glorious sunshine……….”

“That’s wonderful. Oh, that’s truly wonderful. I can feel the sun warming me and its energy filling me so that my body feels like it’s getting bigger and stronger and stretching out to meet the sun. My arms are reaching to the sky. They feel so strong. My heart is singing. I feel that I must move. I start waving my arms and flexing my legs.”

As the beautifully colored butterfly fluttered into the air, there was a sigh and a small voice whispered, “At last I’m free and I’m really me!